


evening primrose

by enthalpy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Denial, Infidelity, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-08-20 22:36:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20235493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enthalpy/pseuds/enthalpy
Summary: Flowers bloom and they wilt; sinners offend and they bleed. This is an order that Minghao respects and he has long stopped resisting his fate.





	evening primrose

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I would like to apologize for the many grammatical mistakes you might encounter throughout this story. Enjoy gyuhao and thank you for reading!

_ It’s his friends’ fault. _

They had done Minghao a great sin when they dragged him to a nearby cafe after class and insisted that he stayed for a bit. Apparently, it was because he had been doing his ‘thing’ again in which he drowns himself in academics and completely forgets his friends existed. He resists the urge to say he was doing it on purpose because they had no good influence on him whatsoever because truthfully they do make his life a little more fun. Minghao hesitated and recalled his to-do list, looked at his friends falling in line at the counter, and thought maybe he’d get a cookie and stay for 30 minutes.

Yeah, maybe he’d do that.

29 minutes later, down to his last two bites, Minghao looks up to a boy pulling one of the chairs from their table and sitting down. The boy high-fives with Seokmin and Seungkwan before resting his eyes on Minghao. He wore a brown apron similar to the one worn by the woman behind the register and _ Kim Mingyu_, his name tag read. He smiles excitedly at Minghao, “I baked that. Did you like it?”

Minghao looks down at the small piece that remained of his cookie and back at the handsome face that was anticipating his answer. Truthfully, it was a bit too sweet for him and Minghao preferred his cookie crispy around the edges and soft in the middle unlike the one he just had which completely crumbled to his touch but, for some reason, he ends up nodding. 

Mingyu beams.

Minghao leaves an hour later.

_ No, it was his final examinations. _

He checks a few general education classes off his final examinations list, having taken them earlier that week already, and shuffles through his papers, looking for the notes he prepared for tomorrow’s tests while trying to remain calm amidst his impending doom.

Finals week is the most alive the library gets and, as students try to cram months-worth of lessons in a day or two, a free table is hard to come by if you don’t come early. Luckily, he arrived as early as 8 AM and got to his favorite spot by the glass wall at the very back of the 10th floor with sunlight pouring in through the transparent barrier and with a view of balcony plants and blue skies.

There are people though who aren’t as lucky as him.

He noticed a bit of shade over the white page of his copy of the 12th edition of Chemistry by Chang and looked up to a boy of tall stature looking down at him while donning a sheepish smile.

“Hey,” Waved Mingyu, squinting a little over the rays of sunlight hitting his eyes.

They were a beautiful shade of hazelnut.

“Hey,”

“You’re Minghao right? I’m Mingyu. Do you still remember me?”

_ Of course. _He nodded.

Mingyu gestured over at the other tables. “Would you mind sharing a table? Everywhere else is taken,”

Guilt slightly bit at his conscience for saying no to one of his classmates a few minutes ago but not much thought was put into it when he started to clear away some of his folders so Mingyu could put his laptop on the table.

“No, not at all,” He paused. “Unless you’re a talker and plans on distracting me from cramming my lessons, then—”

Mingyu laughs, not quite watching his volume but it doesn’t matter much since the library isn’t exactly quiet at the moment, and sits down. “I promise not to disturb your cramming session.”

To Mingyu’s credit, he never bothered Minghao. As soon as he sat down, he went to work and didn’t speak a word. Except for when he quietly slid an open container of cookies towards Minghao’s side of the table, meaning to share, despite having violated library rules for it. Although none of that was helpful to Minghao because the other boy’s presence made the inside of his skin pulse with unknown energy which Minghao dismissed with a rub to his arm, blaming the air-conditioned cold.

But he still broke his promise albeit unknowingly and unintentionally.

Because after several failed tries at focusing, Minghao thought, to hell with acid-base equilibria because none of that shit stuck to his mind like the way Mingyu bit his lip in concentration.

Minghao learned three things about the other boy in the four hours that they sat together.

  1. He kept his fingernails short and clean,
  2. His exam scores in Calculus ranged from 94 to 97 percent,
  3. And he had a constantly vibrating phone.

But he also learned one thing about himself.

  1. He has a thing for tall boys with sun-kissed skin.

_ Or his sleeplessness. _

He doesn’t know about the law of conservation of mass or any of the laws that govern the universe but Minghao thinks he defies them all given the number of answers he invented out of nothing for the test he just took. It might be a good idea to get a part-time job so he could pay for retaking the Chemistry course he’s sure (not really) to fail, or he could just conspire with his mother to hide his grades from his father. It takes a few seconds more of mindlessly walking out of the examination room before he is suddenly whipped to the side with two large hands on either side of his shoulders.

A panting and sweaty Kim Mingyu greets his sight when he looks up.

“Xu Minghao,” Mingyu exhales, trying to talk and catch his breath at the same time. “Your… your…”

He grips both of Mingyu’s wrists, starting to lose balance when the boy shifted a bit of his weight on him.

“What’s going on?” He eyes the bead of sweat trickling down the side of Mingyu’s face.

Mingyu doesn’t speak and just continues to breathe, retrieves something from the back pocket of his trousers, and slaps something gray and plastic on Minghao’s chest. Minghao catches it just as Mingyu lets go of him and finds that it was his calculator, the one he thought he had lost.

“I thought you would need it for your test,”

“I just finished my test,” Minghao speaks before he could stop himself. He cringes a little, feeling bad for having burdened the other boy. “I had an extra.”

He waited to see regret cloud Mingyu’s facial expression but it didn’t come. Instead, relief masked his features and he was laughing.

“Great, of course,” Mingyu had his hands on his knees from exhaustion by this time, having Minghao wonder just how much he ran to get to where the latter took his exam. “What time is it?”

“2:18, why—”

“Okay, my exam started three minutes ago. See you, Minghao.” With a quick tap on the shorter’s shoulder, the taller was gone.

Minghao stared at Mingyu’s running figure for a bit and then at his calculator, feeling stupid that he wanted to smile right then at that moment—he doesn’t. He scolds himself instead for being too sleepy to check if he had all his stuff in his bag before he left the library that day he shared a table with Mingyu.

A few minutes later, on his way down the stairs of the Science and Technology Complex, he runs into his friend.

“The8!”

He looks around for the person calling him by a childhood nickname and finds Seokmin running up the stairs towards him. “Was Mingyu able to catch you? He was supposed to ask me to give you back something but he found out you had an exam and suddenly ran to your building.”

Minghao holds up the calculator on his hand and Seokmin shakes his head, muttering something about Mingyu being dumb for not asking him about it because he would’ve told him that Minghao _always _has an extra of everything.

He wondered then if he had truly defied the laws of the universe or if he was suddenly thrown into an entirely new one because the last time Minghao checked, he wasn’t attracted to dumb guys. And by this time, he had already forgotten what he was worried about.

_ It was probably the neighbor’s fucking dog. _

Minghao is a self-proclaimed animal person. He supports many kinds of animal rights movements and he even vowed to adopt a dog from an animal shelter once he graduates from college and gets a job (or he could get a frog, that’s fine too). He is a person who desperately tries to stick to his principles no matter the circumstances which is why right now, he’s angrily pulling a shirt over his head, eyes heavy with sleep, storming out of his room and eventually out of his apartment, rasping on his neighbor’s door at 3 in the goddamn morning to make the person who lives in front shut their fucking dog up because he’s trying to get some sleep after a week of exams, and he’s failing to stick to his principles because god knows what he wants to do to that dog right now.

He kept yelling over the sound of his knuckles making contact with the wood and over the dog’s barking to no avail and contemplates kicking the door down when the door to the apartment next to his opens and a very shirtless Kim Mingyu comes out.

“Minghao?” Mingyu half-mumbles and half-yawns, rubbing his eyes.

He freezes, suddenly doubting his sanity and whether he’s truly awake or not. Is he really seeing Mingyu or is he just having a creepy dream about his particularly attractive acquaintance? If it’s the latter, he would feel really betrayed by his brain.

“What are you doing here?” He blurts out, as if making an accusation, suddenly aware of his bare feet, his bedhead, and the possible trail of dried-up saliva down the corner of his mouth.

The other boy just looks at him funny, walks closer, and stops beside him, finally tugging his half-worn shirt over the rest of his body, and rasps at the door himself. Minghao swallowed the stream of curses that threatened to fall out of his mouth at the surprise of seeing Mingyu and tried to ignore the strong, manly musk that is certainly not coming from himself.

Minghao jumps a little at the sound of Mingyu’s knocking and once again noticed the dog’s ceaseless barking. He fakes annoyance because, for some reason, he’s not as angry anymore. He shifts his weight from one foot to another, mind running and calculating the odds of Mingyu being his neighbor. That’s impossible! He knew everyone on his floor. Could it be? Is Mingyu dating the girl who used to give him kimchi every week?

His shoulders slump from disappointment.

Mingyu glanced sideways at him and towards the open door of his apartment, “I moved in a month ago. I didn’t know you were my neighbor.”

His eyes widen and he turns to look at every possible thing so Mingyu wouldn’t notice. He curls his toes then, begging himself to calm the fuck down.

_ Neither did I,_ he wanted to say. _ But I hoped so,_ something else he would have added. He suddenly feels an urge to clear his throat over hearing Mingyu’s raspy voice in such proximity. He scoffed instead at Mingyu’s futile efforts at knocking, about to call the other boy out for it when the door opened and an old woman peers out from the small crack that the steel door chain allowed. A few feet below, a very fat Shih Tzu is clawing at the floor to get out. He could swear the dog knew nothing but produce annoying noise.

“We apologize for disturbing your evening, but your dog seems to be needing attention.” Mingyu steps closer, blocking Minghao from view. He let the other boy talk to the old lady seeing as he’s more capable of being polite than Minghao. The lady apologizes in the end and explains that the vet told her the dog had to cut down on food but it won’t stop barking since it’s hungry, she also said that she’d feed it now to keep it quiet.

Mingyu thanks the lady and says goodbye.

When he faces Minghao, a smile is playing on his lips. This makes Minghao shudder and, god, he hopes it doesn’t show.

“Interesting,” Mingyu comments.

Minghao raises a brow, “What?”

“You,” Mingyu grins quite dangerously. “And your apartment, which is right next to mine.”

By this time, he had calmed himself enough to come up with a normal reply. “In which you are not invited.”

But Mingyu’s grin just widens. “And here I thought we could be having a lot of sleepovers.”

He almost choked on his spit but, being Minghao, of course, he wouldn’t embarrass himself like that. So he just rolled his eyes as if he would rather go to sleep than bicker and told the taller boy to stay on his own bed. Mingyu laughed at him, the oblivious boy, or maybe he wasn’t, maybe he knew the effect he had on Minghao and decided he had to be in control of it. Whatever it was, whatever thought had the cogs and gears of Mingyu’s Calculus rich brain turning at that moment, Minghao wouldn’t know; he wouldn’t understand something confusing even to the person who conjured it. Minghao wouldn’t have thought about it either until a few years later because at that moment, he was too occupied with trying to calm the frantic pounding in his chest and the feeling that he just wandered into dangerous territory even if he had stayed in this apartment building all his undergraduate life, and that it was exhilarating.

Unable to fully process that a wall and a few pieces of furniture are the only things separating him from Kim Mingyu, he stood standing a few inches away from his locked front door, his skin buzzing at almost four in the morning. He listens closely and through the thin barrier, he could hear a door closing. He strains his ears and he could hear heavy feet shuffling and probably cups resounding from the kitchen, _ yes_, _ the kitchen would be near his side._ He starts walking away and thinks he heard a conversation, not quite hushed, and there was laughter, but his exhaustion has already come back and it overpowered his curiosity and it was time to go back to bed.

_ Or the fact that Mingyu always runs out of conditioner. _

Going to the gym, no matter how many times Seungkwan begged him to come, was never in Minghao’s plans. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be healthy, he just thinks he already gets enough exercise from dancing—for which he has Chan to thank. He didn’t really feel the need for physical strength because he was never one to brawl with anyone, that is until now that he has to protect something precious from the dangerous being who’s trying to steal it from him.

Note that the dangerous being is ten times stronger.

“Mingyu, I swear to god, you’re using up all my stock!” He shouts to the bathroom door, on which he has both of his palms on, pushing with all of his non-existent strength to keep Mingyu away from the stash of his favorite conditioner sent by his mom all the way from China.

“I promise this is the last time!” Mingyu shouts back, pushing the door open another inch and Minghao sliding back just as much.

Realizing that he has no chance of winning, Minghao groaned and finally gave up, falling back to sit down on the toilet seat. He glared at Mingyu who opened the door wider and let himself inside. The shameless boy went straight towards the cabinet over the sink and snatched a cream-colored bottle.

Waving the bottle at Minghao like a prize, Mingyu just grinned as if he knew that he’ll be forgiven anyway. And that was true, although Minghao would never admit to it.

Frustrated, Minghao huffs. “Don’t you have a roommate? Why don’t you just borrow his?”

Mingyu looks at him funny as if he’s grown another head, “I don’t have a roommate, what are you talking about?”

He blinked in surprise. “Wha—”

“Don’t be greedy, Minghao.” The other boy turns to leave but stops after realizing that Minghao wasn’t done complaining.

“Then why don’t you just pass by the store to get one? I regret telling you about my hair care routine.”

“You know I don’t like any of the products I’ve tried. They make my hair feel greasy! This one is perfect,” Mingyu flips the bottle on his hand and, to the shorter boy’s utter horror, leans toward Minghao. His brain goes haywire for a moment, all the blood in his body rushing to his face at the warmth of Mingyu’s palm on the back of his head, fingers grazing through the hair. “My hair feels so soft after.” He feels a pull, Mingyu’s breath suddenly tickling his scalp, and he watched the other boy’s chest rise to inhale and fall to exhale. “And it smells so good.”

_ It might even be Kill Your Darlings. _

“Shut up,” He breathes.

“What?” Mingyu laughs and tries to balance the bowl on his lap.

Minghao puts his arm over the seat of the couch and leans into it, turning on the floor to face Mingyu who kept shoving popcorn into his mouth.

“You’re kidding,” He rolls his eyes in the most disinterested way he could muster. “How could we have the same favorite movie?”

Mingyu shrugs and grabs the remote from Minghao’s hand. “Then let’s watch and see who has most of the lines memorized.”

_ Or the convenience store two blocks away. _

He sees a thin, white piece of napkin in his line of sight and he grabs it from the hand holding it out to him. He mutters a quick thank you to Mingyu before wiping his nose.

“You like ramyeon so much but your nose gets uncontrollably runny.”

“That’s a price I’m willing to pay,” He slurps in another mouthful of noodles.

Mingyu sniffs, “I totally get it,” and does the same.

_ But it’s likely to be the seniors’ night. _

“Minghao?”

One… two… four… seven… huh? How many cups have they given him?

He tries to count them, nails scratching the rim of every cup, as he stood below the huge banner that says ‘Congratulations, graduates!’

“Idiot,” He thinks he heard somebody say.

What were in those things? His head feels so heavy he wants to roll over the floor and pass out. What would that feel like? He was about to try it out but he feels a tug on his wrist.

There was a laugh. A soft and very, very beautiful sound. It makes Minghao’s ear feel ticklish.

“What are you doing? Did you drop something?” Hands were on either of his arms, keeping him upright. “Minghao, look at me.” Something soft was touching his chin, and then he sees Mingyu. Oh, Mingyu? He was here?

Mingyu was laughing at him. The taller boy’s eyes were crinkled and they shined and they made the nausea go away. He didn’t want to stop looking at them.

He hiccups, “Gyuuuuu—”

Something hits his face with a small _ smack! _

“Ouch!” He says in reflex. He wonders aloud, mind still bubbling, “What was that?! Who hit me?!”

But then, it didn’t really hurt.

He looks around, and then up at the ceiling, and then down to two arms holding him up, and then in front of him to Kim Mingyu staring intently at him.

He stops.

Something hit his face again but, this time, he doesn’t have the opportunity to complain because it was longer and deeper and it felt so good and there were hands on his waist that pulled him closer. He raised his own to wander and so many places it went, so many folds and crevices, so many others to find.

When he opens his eyes, there were stars in them. And it wasn’t some drunken mischief that his brain had conjured due to the alcohol. He could swear they were real.

_ Or the morning after. _

Recollection doesn’t come to him immediately with his mind still clouded from the copious amounts of alcohol he ingested from last night’s party but when it does, his head spins; it spins not from the physical effects of alcohol but from the aftermath of something else that he’s had, or _ lost_, for the first time in his life. He doesn’t know which way to put it. He opens his eyes to blue sheets that are not his, white lines etched on the fabric, and from them, he inhales a familiar, strong scent. His stomach churns at the resulting ache from when he shifted in his position and when he turns his head, Mingyu’s sleeping face comes into sight.

Minghao’s heart stops for several known and unknown reasons.

Life could have been on his side then, for once in his existence. If he had the time, he would have begged for it. He would have given anything for the chance to quietly leave Mingyu on his bed and slip out of the neighboring unit into his own. Even if the other boy looked unbelievably handsome in his nakedness, he would have, although reluctantly, escaped.

But life wasn’t on his side, no, not when it comes to Kim Mingyu.

He wasn’t even given a full minute to appreciate or panic over his wonderful view because now a pair of hazelnut eyes stared back at his own, color even more vibrant in the morning light.

_ Or the afternoon. _

“Excuse me,”

His hand freezes while holding the key to his apartment inside the lock. He grips his groceries tighter and looks towards the stranger who seems to have been standing in front of Mingyu’s door for a while.

“Uh, this might sound random, but have you seen the person who lives in this unit?” The boy gestured towards Mingyu’s door. “I’ve been trying to call him but he hasn’t been picking up and I’m getting worried.”

Minghao tenses. It must have been visible because the boy suddenly looks ashamed and instantly apologizes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just… there was a party, last night, and… I haven’t heard from him, so I’m not sure if anything bad happened, I hope not, but…” The boy starts pacing.

He could feel the muscles in his neck contract with every word from the stranger and he couldn’t understand the way he felt.

“Do you—”

His heart pounded like he ran a marathon.

“I haven’t,” Minghao cuts him off, not being able to stand it anymore. _ Not since this morning._ He doesn’t understand why he lied, but something in the way the boy’s eyes trembled with worry made his skin prickle and his insides clench. Why does he feel so angry? And towards what?

The boy stops and purses his lips, disappointment overlapping with the concern on his expression.

“If you happen to see him around, could you please tell him his boyfriend passed by?”

Minghao’s hold on his groceries shake, and he almost drops them all.

He doesn’t answer.

“Joshua,” The boy says quietly. “Please tell him Joshua came by.”

_ And that it changed so much but at the same time nothing. _

Because did it have to?

His phone lights up at quarter to 2 AM to a text message and he reads it through the notification banner.

“Ramyeon?”

_ Maybe the sex was too good. _

“You’re..” Mingyu pants, his heavy breaths meeting the bare skin of Minghao’s neck at regular intervals. The latter remains caged in between his arms while quietly marveling at the sight before him. “You’re amazing,” Mingyu manages to say. He swallows and collapses on the bed next to Minghao.

“I can’t get used to it,” He nuzzled his pointy nose on Minghao’s arm.

The corner of Minghao’s lips curve upward and he scoots closer to Mingyu, running his hand through brown and slightly sweaty hair.

“Congratulations on your new job,” Minghao whispers, voice a little hoarse.

“That was my gift?” Mingyu teases.

He raises an eyebrow, “Do you want anything else?”

“No,” Mingyu shakes his head. “Nothing else.”

_ It made them think they loved each other. _

The park bench was slightly damp from the morning dew but he sits on it unbothered. He stretches his legs and keeps his hands in the pockets of his coat. It doesn’t take long when he hears the sound of footsteps and sees an elongated shadow approaching. A moment later, he looks up to his boyfriend’s handsome face and he would’ve smiled if it wasn’t for the other’s evident dejection.

He wanted to ask, being a slave to his curiosity most of the time, but instead, he takes out one of his hands, braving the cold to get to the warmth of Mingyu’s palm, and pulls him down to his side.

“Was it bad?” Minghao warily asked, testing the waters around the other boy.

Mingyu just shrugged at first, seemingly deciding on what to say, but in the end, buckled under the weight of Minghao’s expectant yet understanding gaze.

“My brother is getting married next month. He broke the news over dinner.” Minghao perks up at this and was about to ask Mingyu to relay his congratulations but the latter wasn’t done speaking. “You’d think their attention would stay on hyung but they still managed to say something about me.”

He didn’t dare ask. It wouldn’t be anything good based on the expression on Mingyu’s face. So he waited.

“I wonder when we’ll get to marry off our youngest boy. At this rate, he’ll be marrying his job.” Mingyu says with mockery. “That’s exactly what she said, my mom.”

Minghao listens intently, eyeing the pebbles on the ground and watching Mingyu kick at some of them.

“They can’t just be happy I’m employed at a young age. They always have to compare me to my brother.”

He bites his lip, thinking hard on what to say. He thinks of staying quiet but he feels like Mingyu wouldn’t want that.

“What are they worried about? With a face like that, you could marry anyone.” Minghao snorts and then pauses. Did he really just say that? He closes his eyes hard, embarrassed that he said the first thing on his mind despite having ‘thought hard’ damn it.

But it doesn’t matter because, by this time, Mingyu was already grinning. “What do you mean anyone? You're my boyfriend. Won’t you be the one marrying me?”

Minghao sighs with a smile. It wasn’t all the time that Mingyu would call him his boyfriend out loud, and there was the talk about marriage this time. But he can’t take these things seriously, not really, so he just plays along.

“You could but I didn’t say I would let you.”

There was laughter and Mingyu was starting to relax. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,”

Mingyu leans his forearms on his knees, clasping his hands together. “Will you marry me, then?”

Minghao freezes for a solid second, almost believing the joke and wondering if they’ve taken it too far before he shakes off his trance and smirks.

“Of course. You got a ring, Kim Mingyu?”

He waits for Mingyu’s laughter but it doesn’t come. What comes is a punch to Minghao’s face in the form of a purple velvet box that Mingyu pulled out of his pocket. Minghao does a double-take and almost jumps out of his seat.

_ Oh, fuck. _

Mingyu opens it and angles the opening towards Minghao so he could see the inside of it; also velvet, black, and cradling a thin silver, no, white gold ring. He goes slack from shock, all his words leaving him, all the energy from his morning coffee draining out of him by the second.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck._

“You said yes,” He meets Mingyu’s eyes.

He breathes, feeling drunk and high all of a sudden, and thought, this is what happiness feels like.

He holds out his hand.

_ But love was fleeting. _

“Baby,” Minghao whispered to his sleeping husband. He checked the time on the digital clock on their bedside table and it was almost 9 AM. “Mingyu,” He shakes his arm a little this time.

Mingyu cracks an eye open, “Hey?”

“Wake up. We need to go in thirty minutes.”

His husband groans. “It’s Sunday, Minghao. Let me sleep.” 

He must have forgotten again. Minghao lets him be and continues to button up his freshly ironed black shirt, trying his best not to take it to heart. He couldn’t bear any more weight in that area. No, not today.

He was supposed to get flowers with Mingyu today, but he’s guessing his husband also forgot to call the florist. He grabs an unused scented candle from their cabinet instead.

The car keys are on the kitchen drawer where Mingyu has gotten used to leaving them; he takes them and drives to the cemetery to visit his mom.

_ Was it how they needed space? _

When Mingyu got promoted to a senior position in their office, Minghao got him his favorite cake.

When Minghao was assigned as a head researcher for the very first time, Mingyu took him out to dinner. 

The cake had been left untouched inside their refrigerator. It eventually went bad.

Mingyu got a call halfway through dinner. Something came up in the office.

_ They must have given too much of it. _

“Your mother called,” Minghao told Mingyu over his typing, not bothering to take his eyes off his laptop screen. “She said to call her back once you get home.” 

Mingyu goes straight to his desk and starts looking through papers, “I’ll call her later.”

“She said your dad got out of the hospital,” He added.

“Hyung told me.”

“You should call them,” He tried one more time.

Mingyu doesn’t respond. He lets him be.

_ It could have been the texts. _

Breakfast was usually quiet but today it was annoying.

Minghao looks up to his husband who barely touched his food, all attention trained on his phone. He was typing a lot and Minghao would assume for it to be work but the corner of Mingyu’s mouth kept lifting, almost invisibly, but he doesn’t miss it.

The phone vibrates when Mingyu gets up to pour coffee in his cup. _ Soonyoung_, the message notification read, but the content was concealed.

He looks away, unwelcome thoughts suddenly pushing to enter his brain. He focuses on his meal.

“The coffee tastes like crap today,” Mingyu announces, noticing his lit-up screen when he gets back to the table and flips it over so it lay face down. 

Minghao sets his jaw.

“Yeah, we ran out of your favorite. It’s been weeks, though. Funny you just noticed.”

_ And the calls from time to time. _

Mingyu groans his release and not too gently loosens his hold on Minghao who falls back on the bed. He collapses next to Minghao after a few seconds, panting starting to cease. They were both still on the bed, believing the other drifted off to sleep. 

Sleep was beginning to take over Minghao’s consciousness when Mingyu suddenly stirred behind him, gently, without any sort of noise, almost unnoticeable, and got up from the bed. He hears the door to their bedroom’s balcony slide open and then close, and he could inhale the faint smell of cigarette smoke breezing through the small gap of the door.

Eyes trained on the wall, Minghao stared at the shadows of the curtain flapping through the wind, the moonlight casting the room in blue light. The digital clock on their bedside read 2:27 AM and Minghao wish the loud pounding of his heart was useful enough to drown out the hushed tone of his husband’s voice and the phone conversation he’s been having for several nights now.

_ And late nights at the office. _

Mingyu picks up the call on the third ring. “Hello?”

But it was the fourth call. “You’re still there?” Minghao hoisted himself up the bed and adjusted the telephone next to his right ear.

“Hao, I’m busy.” Irritation was heavy on Mingyu’s tone.

“It’s late,” Minghao gritted his teeth. “Even for someone doing overtime, it’s late.”

“I don’t have a choice. I have to finish this tonight.”

_ Screw you, you hate your job. _ He wanted to say, but he doesn’t. 

“Come home in thirty minutes.” He drops the call.

_ It could have been Seokmin who spotted the car parked in a motel. _

Seungkwan pours him tea and he drinks it, fiddling with the edge of the folded cream-colored board paper that was the invitation to the former and Seokmin’s wedding. He admires the rough texture and the gold lining as he observes Seungkwan who was talking to his fiancé over the phone.

“They won’t be coming for tea? What are you even… honey, can you focus on driving? I’ll talk to you when you get here. Yes, yes. I love you too.” Seungkwan’s brows are furrowed when he drops the call and turns to Minghao. “He’s being weird again. He was saying something about the two of you ditching the tea party or something.” 

“One of us might be missing the party anyway,” Minghao glanced at his wristwatch and looks back at Seungkwan regretfully.

Minghao’s phone remains undisturbed, still without messages from Mingyu. The latter informed him earlier that he would be working late but he promised he’d try to make it. A sigh escaped from his lips as he remembered his husband’s passive tone. 

The younger boy swatted away at the air in an attempt to comfort Minghao, “Ah, hyung! That’s nothing, it’s not the actual wedding yet.” Seungkwan then excuses himself to tend to the other guests.

The bells chimed over at the door, signaling a person’s arrival, and Seokmin walks over to Seungkwan with a wide grin. “Don’t be disappointed babe but your favorite married couple isn’t coming. Let’s be stricter with attendance at the wedding, alright?” Seokmin attempts to plant a kiss on Seungkwan’s forehead when the latter moved away, confused.

“What are you talking about?” 

Seokmin laughs, “I drove past a motel and saw their car parked in the lot. Having a house to themselves, you’d think they would actually make use of—”

Seungkwan shoves Seokmin away and glances over at Minghao to see if he was within earshot, horror masked in his features. Seokmin’s eyes, bulging out of their sockets, scan all the guests and stops on Minghao, and he was as still as a rock.

They all know who among the two uses the car.

But it was too late.

Minghao heard.

He meets the two pairs of eyes that looked at him with a concern that clawed at his skin and he wanted to scratch any trace of feeling off his body and he hated it, with a fury, he hated it.

_ Or the vase that lay shattered on the floor. _

Mingyu got it for him in a vintage store after they got married. It was when he first brought Minghao to his hometown.

Minghao argued that it was a waste of money; that he didn't need a wedding gift. "I'm a scientist, Gyu. I don't feel drawn to these things." He said this even as he curled his fingers in restraint, itching to touch the fine details.

There was a trace of a snort, and Mingyu's voice was the softest he has ever heard. "I know you, Hao. You can't hide your heart from me."

His heart aches, good, not even at the memory of his parents throwing his culture and arts university applications in the trash, but at the realization that he has found the person he can truly be himself with.

And he wanted to kiss him hard then.

His husband took one look at the porcelain and brought out his wallet to pay, deciding it lived so long because Minghao was meant to find it. He said it resembled Minghao in a way that it was fine, rare, and was meant to be handled with care.

Jokingly, Minghao said it was meant to hold things that die.

It was his favorite.

_ Or his loss of interest in picking up the pieces. _

The wreck that was left of Minghao’s beloved vase lay a foot away from him, the pieces cluttered along with dried stems and flowers and the inside parts yellowish with water that had gone filthy because he stopped changing it a long time ago. He doesn’t remember why he used to adore it so much.

He sat on the floor and tried to remember. 

The front door opened a few minutes later and Mingyu went in, almost dripping wet because of a storm that Minghao heard about on the news but completely forgot about. On instinct, over the sight of Mingyu’s wet hair, strands clumping together in a darker and more beautiful disarray, he almost snatched the nearest towel hung around the refrigerator’s handle and wrapped it around Mingyu so he wouldn’t catch a cold.

He stopped himself.

“Hao?” Mingyu called out in question, tone worried and the slightest bit panicked. He carefully walked closer towards the chaos Minghao had caused and once he got a clear look, his panic intensified. “Baby, what happened?” 

The taller boy ran to kneel by his side, grasping at him to check if he was hurt anywhere.

_ Baby._

He hasn’t been called that way in a very long time.

The tears came during that realization. He made no sound, he didn’t even move his shoulders, it was his eyes doing all the work. They just… poured out.

Mingyu didn’t know what to do and Minghao couldn’t believe his husband’s utter ignorance.

“Y-your vase… you love this vase… I’ll try to fix it. I’ll see what I can—”

“Joshua,” The name burned on Minghao’s mouth, finally being able to mutter it after so many years of letting it smolder in his brain. Mingyu stops breathing at its familiarity. “How did you break up with him?”

Mingyu lets go of the few pieces he picked up, looking at his husband in question. Why was Minghao suddenly asking about this?

But Mingyu answers honestly, “Over the phone,” as if it counted for anything.

Minghao’s heart crumples in on itself. 

He nodded and wiped at his face. “Is that how you’re going to break up with Soonyoung too?” His voice cracked and Mingyu’s face fell. 

It was like he couldn’t believe Minghao wasn’t stupid after all. Minghao could almost laugh. But tears kept coming. They came like they wanted to do all the begging Minghao couldn’t do.

_ Is that how you’re going to break up with me too? _

Mingyu opens his mouth like he was going to say something but no words came out. Minghao thinks he must be seeing a lot of things for the first time today; his broken vase, his broken home, and his broken husband. 

He could hear Mingyu’s smart brain working its way out of the situation but it must be difficult even for the smartest person alive.

Mingyu’s hands find Minghao’s face but their eyes don’t meet. Maybe they never will.

_ He would say it’s Mingyu. _

It might as well be his cheating ass’ fault.

_ But in the end, it’s just him, _

Who ran out of things to blame.

Who called out Mingyu’s cheating ass when he was the same rotten bastard. 

Who almost forgot that a few years ago, he was on the other end of the same situation.

Who tried to ignore a monster he had created.

Who took and took and kept taking but in the end gained nothing at all.

Who, after everything, still feels an affinity to the warmth of Mingyu’s touch.

_ his indifference, _

He might as well have stood beautifully on a platform, have been filled up with every beautiful thing, and took all of it without question like the fool he was, only to get tipped over in the end, shattering and spilling all of his wickedness along with all of his weak attempts at fixing his mistakes.

_ and his inability to leave what he no longer loves. _

There was no strength in the way he sat nor in the way Mingyu touched him but he must have still been weaker with the way he sagged into his husband’s hold like an almost dead plant soaking up dead water; there’s no use to it but he does it anyway because there was nothing left to do.

His mind screams at him to run but he stays still. He doesn’t move. Not even an inch.

He eases his chin onto a wet shoulder, ignoring the all too alien fragrance of cinnamon that neither of them uses, and makes a promise to himself as he closed his eyes.

He’ll gather the courage to walk away tomorrow.


End file.
